#happythoughts

by Petey Normal

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credits

released December 7, 2016

outer artwork by Lana Bremer
all music was written, performed and produced by Pete Rands

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Petey Normal Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: #HighCalorieIntake
I bought a piece of cube steak
I put it on the pan
Smothered it in butter
Then washed off both my hands

I had a piece of pizza
And then I had five more
My heart is started racing
And then I hit the floor

Get me to the doctor.

I went to the doctor
The doctor said
One more piece of bacon
And you will end up dead.
Track Name: #LilRayofSunshine
The other day I stubbed my toe and it hurt a lot
I screamed and yelled and jumped around like an idiot
But then you came around just as I started feeling dumb
You kissed me on the cheek and melted my right atrium

And I said
You're my little ray of sunshine
You're my happy holiday
And when my feet just don't know how to aim
I'll just walk your way

The other day the winter took away my happy thoughts
Do I need a prescription for some medicinal pot?
But then you came around just like an anti-miserable
You kissed me on the nose and melted my right ventricle

And I said
You're my little ray of sunshine
You're my happy holiday
And when the sky just keeps on with the rain
I'll just walk your way

You're my little ray of sunshine
You're my happy holiday
And when these words just fall out of my brain
I'll just walk your way
I'll just walk your way
I'll just walk your way.
Track Name: Transmission to Mars
Where did you go, Mr. Spaceman?
Where did you go?
Where did you go, Mr. Spaceman?
Where did you go?
Where did you go?

Mr. Spaceman, did you fly to outer space?
Oh Mr. Spaceman, did you finally find your place?
Oh Mr. Spaceman, did you fall into the stars?
Oh Mr. Spaceman, did you find a life on mars?

Where did you go, Mr. Spaceman?
Track Name: #SocialMediaAnxiety
We met a time at a party with some friends
We sat across from each other 'til the end
Awkward silences abound, so we both picked up our phones to try and blend
Now I'm scrolling through the pages only much to my surprise, you followed me on Twitter but won't look me in the eyes.

Let's be friends
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
An hour from now our friendship goes down the Shitter. Down the Shitter.
Think you're a douche bag by the time that we finish dinner.
Let's be friends.

You see me every single day at work.
You think I'm gay and I think you're a jerk.
We never talk except for 'Hey' and never smile except your stupid little smirk.
Now I'm staring at my phone, only much to my dismay, you followed me on Instagram, now who's the one who's gay?

Let's be friends.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. An hour from now our friendship goes down the shitter. Down the Shitter. Already thought you were stupid, now I think the light is getting dimmer. Getting dimmer.
Let's be friends.

I don't like your politics, your muscle pics and guns. You don't like my dick jokes and stupid fucking puns. Maybe adding someone should come with a second thought. Instead of getting butthurt when I deny then block.

Friends, friends.
Track Name: #LongDistanceRomance
I want the early mornings, even four or five.
I want to roll you over, and bring the day to life.
I want the sprinkled coffee, each cup improves the mood.
With every sugar spoonful, it'll never be as sweet as you.

When are you coming home?

I never get excited about heights or the sea,
But I still get excited when you stand next to me.
Let's go and hike a mountain, until the air is thin.
We'll battle and solve mysteries, like we're Jake and Finn.

When are you coming home?
Track Name: Older, Wiser
When I was five, I didn't like the opposite sex.
When I was older, I wanted just to be a T-Rex.
My Mum was worried, and bought me an acoustic guitar.
I started pickin', now I'm gonna be a rock star.

When I was fifteen, a master of the six string stick,
No Valentine, or knowin' how to pick up chicks.
My Dad was worried and told me that I gotta get laid,
Cause as a rocker, you know I'm never gonna get paid.

Now I'm a little bit older and wiser,
A little bit older and wiser,
A little bit older and wiser,
A little bit older and wiser.

When I was ten, I learned how fun it was to swear.
When I was twenty, I learned that I could go anywhere.
I packed up and moved to the stage.
And I'll admit this; I'm never gonna act my age.

Now I'm a little bit older and wiser.
Track Name: BOO!
Alright Hollyweird, let's set the record straight.
I never hurt nobody, so what's with all the hate?
One knock at the door, your neck hair stands to attention.
Bitch, I'm comin at you from another dimension. Ready?

BOO!

Motherfucker I ain't wearin no sheets, I'm reppin from the south side of Fear Street. I don't make a habit of wearing bedding, better load the laundry; your pants are wetting. You think those damn Ghostbusters can catch me? Please! I've been haunting houses since Venkman was a preteen. It's time for Halloween man, you're makin me yawn. I said fuck the bed and bath, I'm from the beyond.

When the lights go out, no need to cry.
I'm just a friend who has already died.
When the room gets cold, you know I'm here.
I'm just a ghost, no need to fear.

BOO!

Now you're sayin that I'm bangin on Demi Moore's door, what's next? A buddy comedy with Pauly Shore? Why you gotta trap me in a stupid dolly? Please! That couldn't cause anxiety in a border collie. I just need some company, ain't got no grudge. I mean, come on! I died from some peanut butter fudge.

When the lights go out, no need to cry.
I'm just a friend who has already died.
When the room gets cold, you know I'm here.
I'm just a ghost, no need to fear.

BOO!

My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome.
Track Name: Bedelia, Where's My Cake?
Bedelia
Bitch
Bedelia
Where's my cake?
Bitch
Bedelia
Where's my cake?

Old men really shouldn't take an ashtray to the head. Six feet couldn't hold me, did you think I was dead?

Where's my cake?
Bedelia
Bitch
Bedelia
Where's my cake?
Where's my cake?
Where's my cake?

Got my
Got my
Got my cake.
Track Name: Jolly Olly Man
Oh Mr. Ice Cream Man,
Where you goin so fast?
Like you're runnin from the cops,
When all I ever wanted was a chocolate banana bomb pop.

Oh Mr. Ice Cream Man,
Where you movin so fast?
Are you dyin to get home,
When all I ever wanted was a chocolate sugar waffle cone.

I waved my hands, and you just passed right down the street.
All I was looking for was something cold and sweet.

Oh Mr. Ice Cream Man,
Where you goin so fast?
Like you're runnin from the cops,
When all I ever wanted was a chocolate banana bomb pop.

Oh Mr. Ice Cream Man
Oh Mr. Ice Cream Man
Oh Mr. Ice Cream Man
Track Name: Phoebe Buffay
Television told me as I grew up in the 90's
There's a girl for every body to fill the hole inside me.
Stephanie, Laura, Topanga even maybe,
But all my friends on the TV set wanna get with Phoebe.

Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay, all my eyes are watchin' when Mom's away.
La la, la la, la la la.

It takes a real woman to grow up on the streets
A gorgeous vegetarian, except for Joey's meat.
Some may say your character borders on illicit,
But it takes a woman to have her brothers' triplets.

Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay, abnormally melodic in her own way.
La la, la la, la la la

So sweet, she decorates with shoes of candy corn,
Her evil twin used pseudonyms when she was makin' porn.
Unfortunate, although it is, I needed to remind ya;
I can't believe Ursula came out of the same vagina.

Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay.
Turned her sister's pornographs into a payday.
La la, la la, la la la, let's go.

A billion boys with broken hearts, Phoebe Buffay...
Became Banana Hammock on her wedding day.
Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay...
Princes Consuela loves Crap Bag.
La la, la la, la la la.
La la, la la, la la la la.
Track Name: Kintaro
I met a girl online in the days long before Tinder.
When she sang Megadeth, I knew that I had to win her.
Sweating bullets as I held her hand for the first time.
Plain to see we're two of the same kind.

Well I already love that girl,
Girl, I don't wanna be so far away. I wanna be close like our first date, oh girl. Girl, anytime you want me come around, we'll heavy metal up this town.

I met a girl on the net before the dawn of Craigslist.
When she played Mortal Kombat, she stuck her hand straight through my chest. An uppercut sent me crashing right through the ceiling. I don't know what to do with all these feelings.

Well I already love that girl,
Girl. I don't wanna be so far away. I wanna be close like our first date, oh girl. Girl, anytime you want me call my name. We'll drink and swear at video games.

Girl. Girl, I don't wanna be so far away. I wanna be close like our first date, oh girl. Girl, anytime you want me call me up. We'll sing too loud and won't shut up.

Well I already love that girl.
Track Name: #Reincarnation
Reincarnation
What I wouldn't do
To spend my life with you.

If you return as a T-Shirt
I'll come back as a sleeve.
If you're sorcering at Hogwart's
I guess I'll be the peeves.
If you're delicious ice cream,
I'll come back as a scoop.
If you're a musta domestica,
I'll be a pile of poop.

Reincarnation
What I wouldn't do
To spend my life with you.

If you return as a Beatle,
I'll come back as your song.
If you can be Orion,
I guess I'll be your dong.
If you return as a Wonka,
I'll come back as a Bucket.
If you're an inflatable sex doll,
I guess you'll be the prettiest one.

Reincarnation
What I wouldn't do
To spend my life with you.

If you return as a pot of gold, I'll be your leprechaun.
If you're an 80's synth band I'll take you on.
If you return as a hippie, I'll come back as your weed.
If you say You Are Groot, I'll be your seed.

Reincarnation
What I wouldn't do.
All the things I'd do,
To spend my life with you.